The Lord is my refuge

Today I am sharing the devotion posted from Proverbs31 Ministries.
The Lord is their refuge

Flawed is the new perfect

This was the running theme during a conference I attended with my beloved this past weekend. Brings to mind a book title "Everyone is Perfect Until You Get to Know Them". Getting to know someone means exposing ourselves. Eeeck! It's safe keeping people at a distance. God did not call us to a safe life. He called us to get out of the boat and go make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. I can't do that, if I keep a safe distance so no one can see my flaws, neither can you. I think this is called God-confidence. We may not have confidence in our abilities, our looks, our anything, but we can have complete total confidence in our Lord and Savior who dwells inside of us. Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. Fearless. That is what I want to be. Fearless.

'...a cloud of witnesses...'

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great of a cloud of witnesses (who have borne testimony to the truth), let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us.

This verse was brought before me three times in one day from various sources. I am not sure about you, but I find when God's word, the same word, is presented to me repeatedly from different sources, there must be a message that God is trying to get through to me. I am not sure if I have it yet, but I have done some thinking and wondering.

Witness in the original Greek is martyr. Holman's Bible dictionary reveals that in the Old Testament this term rarely denotes one killed for his or her testimony. Witnesses also bear testimony about moral, religious, or spiritual truths and views of which we are convinced by faith. In "Tortured for Christ" the forward notes that the New Testament martyr not only personally testified to the truth and power of Jesus Christ, but was instructed to take that witness of others, regardless the cost.

So, are you living a full witness of Christ? Are you a martyr at whatever the costs? Are you throwing off all weights that encumber you? Those hindrances can be insecurities, fears, logic,...remember the heart itself is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). I think of Paul as one who was unencumbered and ran the race with patient endurance, the race of spreading the gospel (the story of Christ, died for my sins (your sins), buried and raised from the dead on the third day). Let's run the race together.

"He is the One who goes before you..."

Deuteronomy 31:8
And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.

These were the words that coursed through my mind as I stood amongst the throng of 3000 plus cyclists in San Antonio awaiting our turn to be released for the first 72 miles of 132 mile ride over two days. It was the 20th anniversary of the MS150 (Multiple Sclerosis) formerly Ride to the Beach now Ride to the River. It was my first MS ride. My husband's sixth. I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. This verse that coursed through my mind brought the beginnings of comfort and solace. We started off in the rain, so my nerves were rattled from the point of a being an amateur on wet roads, let alone so many cyclists and such a long ride. I was questioning my preparation for this 132 mile endeavor, are my legs prepared, is my body conditioned for this, did I do enough to get ready? I kept hearing..."I have gone before you"... The way had been prepared for me, the path had been paved, I could trust my Lord to hold me and protect me and shield me from harm. I had done what I could, now the time was at hand to put to the test of my faith. I knew this and it settled in my heart as my legs got warm and I got comfortable cleaning my breaks from time to time of the water on my rims, more comfortable as my fingers clasped loosely over my breaks in the event that I had to break suddenly, steady as the gentle rolling hills slowed me (no hills where I am from!), and a little confident as I passed others in the wind (I am fortunate to get to train in the wind...hahaha). The Lord had indeed gone before me. I completed 72 miles that day with only five miles of whining when my knees spoke very loudly to me. The Lord had indeed gone before me! He had indeed prepared the way for me.

Have you trusted the path (marriage, children, relationships, work, finances, friendships, family) before you to the Lord? Has you heart settled that "He has gone before you"? Ask the Lord to take your anxious heart and settle His word into it, knowing that He will never leave nor forsake you and that He indeed has gone before you.

(As for the second day, well the LORD had indeed gone before me. Mother nature brought lightening, thunder and torrential downpours (flash floods, low water crossings) and forced the MS organizers to cancel the second day. Slightly disappointed that I didn't get to complete the ride and slightly relieved that I didn't have to put my knees to the test. Funny, this has been the driest year in Texas, I have attempted two MS rides and both have been rained out this year. Things that make you go mmmm.....)

"Too Small to Ignore"

I borrowed the title from a book I am finishing up written by Wes Stafford, President and CEO of Compassion International. This book has served as a catalyst in a paradigm shift in not only my thinking but in my heart as well. See, my head has known certain logics and truths for sometime. My first priorities are my God (given), my husband and my children. All else falls behind those that come first. These have been the truths of my head for some years now. Only 'doing' good can certainly distract and take me away from my precious priorities. And it has. A wise woman has shared some pearls of wisdom in the past couple of weeks with me that the Lord has used to do some major overhauls in my disproportionate heart. He showed me how 'doing' good has taken my heart from my priorities. My precious little ones and my husband weren't get the best of me that they deserve and I owe to my Lord. For a year now I have been involved in the Women's ministry at our church and I try to keep my hand in the girls school. Truth is, my daughters, my husband, my home, my clients (two) to pay for tuition are enough. And the Lord has shown me that these are my only God-appointed, God-annointed jobs for this season. Yes, He led me into the Women's Ministry a year ago, but that was for a season. He has closed that season. If I had not followed Him, these truths might had never settled into my heart. Because of Wes Stafford's writings and the Lord's guidance I see my girls through a different set of eyes. I didn't realize I could love them more and more with each passing day. I have found a new depth of patience and love for my daughters. I have felt a new found peace that I didn't know I was missing. I have even found it 'more natural' to be flexible and a little more spontaneous. The ultimate goal of my job is to grow them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Oh, my Lord is so faithful to me, I only long to follow His every lead. I am so thankful for His guidance. Left to me, I would be a mess and everything I touched, too. Praise God for His infinite wisdom.
Oh, and my confirmation after seeds were planted on Friday and my brain raced to realign itself with the new truths in my heart came Saturday morning through my quiet time:

Streams in the Desert 9/4

I longed to walk along an easy road,
And leave behind the dull routine of home,
Thinking in other fields to serve my God;
But Jesus said, "My time has not yet come".

I longed to sow the seed in other soil,
To be unshackled in the work and be free,
To join with other laborers in their toil;
But Jesus said, "It's not My choice for thee".

I longed to leave the desert, and be led
To go work where souls were sunk in sin and shame,
That I might win them; but the Master said,
"I have not called you, publish here My name."

I long to fight the battles of my King,
Lift high His standards in the thickest of strife;
But my Captain had me wait and sing
Songs of His conquests in my quiet life.

I longed to leave the hard and difficult sphere,
Where all alone I seemed to stand and wait,
To feel I had some human helper near,
But Jesus had me guard on lonely gate.

I longed to leave the common daily toil,
Where no one seemed to understand or care;
But Jesus said, "I choose for you this soil,
That you might raise for Me some blossoms rare."

And now I have no longing to do
At home, or far away, His blessed will,
To work amid the many or the few;
Thus "choosing not to choose," my heart is still.

Flexibility versus Control

I was gently reminded that I needed to update my blog. Ok, let me share what my precious Lord has been teaching me about me. My girls go to a small private Christian school 'in town', this is about an eighteen to twenty minute drive one way. Last year my oldest went full days to 3:30pm and my youngest went three days half days getting out at 12:30pm. Needless to say with that schedule I had to be diligent about my time management. Household chores, clients books (small enough to pay tuition), being a mom and wife...etc. Well, the school year began. My oldest full day and my youngest now five days half days. Similar feelings of anxiety weighed on the fringes. I said "Lord, I don't want a repeat of last year." I guess that was my way of asking Him to show me how not to go there again, or He took full advantage of the crack in the door and walked right on in. Anyway, He lovingly showed me that I had been so rigid with my time management that I left no room for flexibility; therefore, burning myself out before the school year was done and loosing my joy along the way and completely took the fun out of being a mom and wife. UGH! To make matters even clearer for me, just in case I didn't get that gentle message, a dear friend told me that was control issues. UH! I like 'lack of flexibility' better. It's gentler. The verse that came to my mind through out this enlightenment was 'the heart of a man devises his plans but the Lord directs his steps'. I felt the Lord tell me 'its ok that you plan your days, but you need to leave room for me and my work and not get irritable when you can't mark everything off your list.' Another dear friend shared a devotion with me that said if we are filled with the Spirit (fruit of the Spirit) there is no room for irritability, impatience, etc. OUCH! No one ever said that growing was painless.

My dear friends that is what the Lord and I are working on together. Where are you at? Do you plan your days? Do you allow the Spirit to work in the mist of you and use you? If you have children, they are only little once. They are number one God-appointed God-annointed job. Ask the Lord to show you where you might have 'control issues' where you might could exercise some flexibility. The growing is worth every stretch. Go for it!

Are you limiting God?

God has been longsuffering with me. He has been showing me how I limit Him. Limit God? The Israelites limited God, but not me (Psalm 78:41)! Or so I thought. In my previous post I told you about the car and how God told me that I had attempted to limit Him. Well, I have had a God experience and lesson learned since that post. I call it training ground for me.
A week or more ago, I realized that with tuition for the girls school and a couple of not so stable clients that I will be relying on God to make tuition each month, relying on Him in a way that I haven't had to experience since becoming a 'walking' Christian. A few days later, I fell into a conversation with a man from our church in need of my services. We agreed to talk in a month and see if I can meet his business needs. I walked away saying to God, "God thank you for reminding me of your provision". I felt Him come back to me and say "There you go again, limiting me." What? The next thought was Him telling me "Why don't think He is your next client, do you not think I would bless you with such?". Ouch! Ok, it is one thing to know that God can do anything. It is another to believe Him to do something. Hence, my next experience.
Where I live I have to cross a bridge to get to the barrier island I live on, or off for that matter. For three or four nights they were doing construction on the bridge, after the peak of the bridge on each side. So that when you come upon the bridge and peak, the construction is on you and a surprise. Granted the construction signs are up, but you were unaware of the extent of construction till you were on it. Tuesday morning my husband called me before he flew out for New Jersey to warn me be careful on the bridge. I was, but not enough. Coming back that morning after dropping off the girls at a half day camp, I peaked the bridge and had slowed significantly with anticipation of the work. I got to the cut concrete and hit the transition back up and hit hard at 40mph. This new used car is slung low, really low. My husband said 'you'll know when you hit metal'. I drove down to the mail place just down the road, parked, got out and cautiously bent to look under the car. My heart sunk to the pits of my stomach and suddenly I felt sick, as I watched my oil pour out onto the parking lot, producing a rather large puddle of black oil. I had busted the oil pan. The very thing my husband warned me about, I did. I was so frazzled that when I went into the mail place to borrow their phone I couldn't remember anyone's number let alone think of anyone I could call to come get me and help me. I managed to get my letters and package mailed. I went back out to the car, got my purse, locked the car and started to walk down the little embankment to walk home. When I was in the mail place I felt a gentleman, who was also mailing some things, looking at me. Granted, you must realize, I was distraught and my face probably looked ghostly pale in comparison to my natural olive skin enhanced my the summer sun. As I began down the embankment, I felt nudged to go ask that man for ride home. I had noticed that there was a marine sticker on the back window of his large F150 and felt secure enough to ask. I walked up to his window with tears streaming down my face and asked for a favor. 'Sure'. 'Can you take me home please?'. 'Sure'. I got in and proceeded to tell him my predicament. I just busted my oil pan, my girls were at camp in town, my husband was in the air to New Jersey and our second vehicle was sitting at the airport thirty miles from here. He volunteered to take me to the airport and I accepted graciously. He took me by my house to drop off the sausage I picked up at the store on my way home and by the auto shop on the island to drop off the key to the car. And then to the airport. On our ride we talked about my husband and how I dreaded his response to what had happened and we talked about him, a former marine and now a fishing guide. I witnessed to him (a little seed) as we got to the airport as well as I could considering he was angry at God for his buddies being killed in Iraq and him being there to watch. I shared that my husband and I have a small group in our home. A few people seeking to maintain peace in a world with no peace. A small testimony, but testimony nonetheless.
For the rest of the day I wrestled with guilt, not really knowing ...was this my fault or could I have prevented it. After crossing the bridge three more times that day in the SUV I realized the only way to have prevented it was to come to a complete stop to maneuver my way up the bump of a transition. Side note, that morning the signage was "uneven lanes". Somewhere between 2pm and 3pm the signage changed to the large digital signs with flashing caution lights stating "bump ahead, speed advisory 40mph". By that time I had made several phone calls to state that "uneven lanes" was inadequate warning to the damage that could be done to the car. They had received several complaints. As I made my way through these phone calls, it was made known to me that these contractors carry insurance for such as things as this. You mean that I could be compensated for the damages?? So as I went through these phone calls, in my head I thought 'if they just paid for the oil pan, I would be content and grateful'. God came back and said 'there you go again, limiting me'. What?
Ok, ok, ok, I am tired of limiting you. I finished my phone calls. At this point as well, I hadn't eaten all day and I claimed a fast for myself until this was resolved. Into my quiet times I went thinking of what God was saying to me about limiting Him, I meditated on scripture. Much of the scripture in the previous post and some others that God brought to my mind I dwelled on.
Galations 3:5 (AMP) Then does He who supplies you with His marvelous (Holy) Spirit and works powerfully and miraculously among you do so on (the grounds of your doing) what the law demands, or because of your believing in and adhering to and trusting in and relying on the message that you heard?
Romans 10:17
So then faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.
Ephesians 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
Finally, and most significantly,
Proverbs 21:1
The kings heart is in the hand of the LORD, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.
So, my prayer became, ok God, your word says that I have not because I ask not. Your word says that if we being evil think we can give good gifts to our children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Ok, Lord I am asking. I ask that the damage be limited to the oil pan only. I ask that I find favor in the insurance company eyes and they compensate me fully for the damage done to the car. Ok, Lord, I am asking what I feel is a big hairy audacious pray (Pray Big, Will Davis Jr.), I am asking in your name based on your Word.
Tuesday the claim had been filed.
Wednesday I had a claim number and found the damage limited to the oil pan.
Thursday I found out the damages would be covered by the insurance company and they would get me a rental, which I didn't need and did decline.
Now, I am reminiscing over the past few days and gaping in awe at my Lord at how He put through this test and I believe I came out approved. Oh, my Small Group pastor told me "I can't help but to think that in part, at least, that God is rewarding you for your boldness in sharing Him with two families during this crisis." There was the former marine who graciously took me to the airport and our new neighbors as of Tuesday, my girls invited their son to VBS and I shared a very similar story about my husband and I to them. (They were brought up in the same faiths as my husband and I were, two extremes, they hadn't been to church and I invited them, knowing that my husband and I could completely relate).
So, there you have it. Are you limiting God? Have you asked in faith. I had to muster all the faith I could to believe with mega faith. Doubt creeped in and I had to banish it right away. Doubt is the opposite of faith and the two can not co-exist. Ask God to help you with your unbelief, as I did, and muster all the faith you can to believe Him for His promises not just the fact that you know He can, but that He will.