Monday, September 7, 2009

"Too Small to Ignore"

I borrowed the title from a book I am finishing up written by Wes Stafford, President and CEO of Compassion International. This book has served as a catalyst in a paradigm shift in not only my thinking but in my heart as well. See, my head has known certain logics and truths for sometime. My first priorities are my God (given), my husband and my children. All else falls behind those that come first. These have been the truths of my head for some years now. Only 'doing' good can certainly distract and take me away from my precious priorities. And it has. A wise woman has shared some pearls of wisdom in the past couple of weeks with me that the Lord has used to do some major overhauls in my disproportionate heart. He showed me how 'doing' good has taken my heart from my priorities. My precious little ones and my husband weren't get the best of me that they deserve and I owe to my Lord. For a year now I have been involved in the Women's ministry at our church and I try to keep my hand in the girls school. Truth is, my daughters, my husband, my home, my clients (two) to pay for tuition are enough. And the Lord has shown me that these are my only God-appointed, God-annointed jobs for this season. Yes, He led me into the Women's Ministry a year ago, but that was for a season. He has closed that season. If I had not followed Him, these truths might had never settled into my heart. Because of Wes Stafford's writings and the Lord's guidance I see my girls through a different set of eyes. I didn't realize I could love them more and more with each passing day. I have found a new depth of patience and love for my daughters. I have felt a new found peace that I didn't know I was missing. I have even found it 'more natural' to be flexible and a little more spontaneous. The ultimate goal of my job is to grow them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Oh, my Lord is so faithful to me, I only long to follow His every lead. I am so thankful for His guidance. Left to me, I would be a mess and everything I touched, too. Praise God for His infinite wisdom.
Oh, and my confirmation after seeds were planted on Friday and my brain raced to realign itself with the new truths in my heart came Saturday morning through my quiet time:

Streams in the Desert 9/4

I longed to walk along an easy road,
And leave behind the dull routine of home,
Thinking in other fields to serve my God;
But Jesus said, "My time has not yet come".

I longed to sow the seed in other soil,
To be unshackled in the work and be free,
To join with other laborers in their toil;
But Jesus said, "It's not My choice for thee".

I longed to leave the desert, and be led
To go work where souls were sunk in sin and shame,
That I might win them; but the Master said,
"I have not called you, publish here My name."

I long to fight the battles of my King,
Lift high His standards in the thickest of strife;
But my Captain had me wait and sing
Songs of His conquests in my quiet life.

I longed to leave the hard and difficult sphere,
Where all alone I seemed to stand and wait,
To feel I had some human helper near,
But Jesus had me guard on lonely gate.

I longed to leave the common daily toil,
Where no one seemed to understand or care;
But Jesus said, "I choose for you this soil,
That you might raise for Me some blossoms rare."

And now I have no longing to do
At home, or far away, His blessed will,
To work amid the many or the few;
Thus "choosing not to choose," my heart is still.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Flexibility versus Control

I was gently reminded that I needed to update my blog. Ok, let me share what my precious Lord has been teaching me about me. My girls go to a small private Christian school 'in town', this is about an eighteen to twenty minute drive one way. Last year my oldest went full days to 3:30pm and my youngest went three days half days getting out at 12:30pm. Needless to say with that schedule I had to be diligent about my time management. Household chores, clients books (small enough to pay tuition), being a mom and wife...etc. Well, the school year began. My oldest full day and my youngest now five days half days. Similar feelings of anxiety weighed on the fringes. I said "Lord, I don't want a repeat of last year." I guess that was my way of asking Him to show me how not to go there again, or He took full advantage of the crack in the door and walked right on in. Anyway, He lovingly showed me that I had been so rigid with my time management that I left no room for flexibility; therefore, burning myself out before the school year was done and loosing my joy along the way and completely took the fun out of being a mom and wife. UGH! To make matters even clearer for me, just in case I didn't get that gentle message, a dear friend told me that was control issues. UH! I like 'lack of flexibility' better. It's gentler. The verse that came to my mind through out this enlightenment was 'the heart of a man devises his plans but the Lord directs his steps'. I felt the Lord tell me 'its ok that you plan your days, but you need to leave room for me and my work and not get irritable when you can't mark everything off your list.' Another dear friend shared a devotion with me that said if we are filled with the Spirit (fruit of the Spirit) there is no room for irritability, impatience, etc. OUCH! No one ever said that growing was painless.

My dear friends that is what the Lord and I are working on together. Where are you at? Do you plan your days? Do you allow the Spirit to work in the mist of you and use you? If you have children, they are only little once. They are number one God-appointed God-annointed job. Ask the Lord to show you where you might have 'control issues' where you might could exercise some flexibility. The growing is worth every stretch. Go for it!